The Rest of the Story

When I arrived at the hospital I was ushered out the side door and into a semi trailer that houses the mobile MRI unit. It's only at this location on Fridays. Okay, being locked inside the back of a semi doesn't do much for the claustrophobic feeling.

My escort (a woman) and I were met inside by the male technician that would do the actual MRI. He was very nice and quickly explained the procedure and asked if I was okay with everything. Um...I think so.

When I found out last week that I was to be face down for this scan I thought well they mash the daylights out of these things when they do a mammogram so I guess there gonna use my body weight to mash them for this scan. I shared my thoughts with Keith and he joked that maybe they would cut holes in the table.

When the technician opened the door inside the trailer that led to the MRI machine, I couldn't help but laugh out loud at what I saw. This picture is pretty accurate although the set up is backwards, thankfully, from what I experienced. You see, the one thing that they didn't tell me ahead of time is that you go into the machine feet first for this test.

That may sound like a minor detail but it isn't. Having your head a foot from the opening as opposed to 8 feet from it makes a huge difference. At least it did for me. I honestly think I could have hugged that man when he told me that I was going in feet first. What a relief.

I won't explain the ins and outs (pun intended) of this little addition to the MRI table. You can use your imaginations...it won't take much. Anyway, once I was undressed and all set up on the table, the tech came in and started an IV to use for the contrast solution that they inject halfway through the scan. The table was moved into the machine and the real fun began.

It was not nearly as bad as I was expecting but I was pretty uncomfortable before it was over. You can't move at all and my arms had to be up over my head the whole time. As I said yesterday, I am not a stomach sleeper and my neck and shoulders were killing me before it was done.

Thankfully, it's all over now and we just wait for the results...4 to 6 weeks is what they're telling me. I guess there aren't very many people qualified to read these things so they have to send them off to be read elsewhere. It will be interesting to hear what they have to say. I'm tired of hearing the radiologist tell me every year that my mammograms have a high margin of error because I have difficult ____________ well, you know.

So, there you have it. Thanks for all the prayers to get me through this thing. Sounds like it may have to become a semi regular occurence if the results turn out to be better than the mammos. I think I can live with that. I know one thing, I won't be nearly as concerned next time. Now watch, they'll stick me in head first next time just for kicks. :)

Speaking of Uncomfortable

Today I had an MRI. My doctor ordered it over a month ago but it took awhile for us to get the insurance company to agree to pay for it. It was actually scheduled for last Friday but the technician that does them had a heart attack so they rescheduled it for today.

Why was I having this MRI you might ask. Well, it seems the docs can't read my mammograms because of an overabundance of cystic tissue so they thought the MRI might give them a better looksy at what is going on in there.

I have had two other MRIs done but they were done 15 and 13 years ago respectively. The first one was a brain scan and the second one was of my brain and spine.

Have you ever had an MRI? Have you ever seen one? Let me just say that I never knew I was claustro- phobic until I had the first one done. You lie down on a table that is barely wide enough for you and then they insert the table into an 8 foot long tube. The first MRI I had done, the table was only halfway into the tube when I made them take me out. I felt like I was being buried alive. It really freaked me out. After a little coaxing, I did eventually get through that one.

The second MRI was long. They do your spine in three sections so it was like having 4 MRIs all at once. I knew better what to expect but that might have been a bad thing. Thankfully I was given a little something to help me relax and all I really remember is singing Amazing Grace over and over again to myself during the whole thing.

Needless to say I wasn't really too excited about the thought of having another MRI. I was doing okay with the idea until last week when they called to reschedule. That got me thinking about it and I started to panic.

On Tuesday of this week I decided to call my doc to ask about the possibility of drugs to get through this "ordeal". His nurse was very sympathetic since she can't even get in an elevator due to her claustrophobia. I was relieved that she didn't laugh at me. She said that the doc would be happy to help except that he's on vacation all this week. Yea!

She recommended that I call the hospital where they do the MRI to get some more info. Here is what they told me: It takes about 2 hours - STRIKE ONE; You have to be completely in the tube - STRIKE TWO; and Oh, by the way, you are on your stomach the whole time - STRIKE THREE and I'm definitely OUT!!!!! As in running away. :)

Okay, I am not a stomach sleeper so that does not sound comfortable to me and the thought of being on my back 8 feet inside a tube for 2 hours was bad enough but you're going to stick me on my stomach and then shove me in. I don't think so!!!!!! Claustrophobia levels were definitely rising.

I called my doc on base and he agreed to prescribe a little helper. I picked up the two tiny little pills yesterday and was very skeptical that anything that small could do much for me (think the size of baby aspirin).

My husband and several of my friends have been praying for me to get through this thing. I woke up this morning intending to have Tyler take me to the hospital since they told me not to drive while taking that medicine. When it came time to take the stuff, I just decided not to. I didn't feel nervous and I thought I would just wait and see how things felt when I got there. I took them with me just in case.

I will admit that I had second thoughts about the time the table started to move but I'll save the rest of the story for tomorrow.

Let's Get "Un"comfortable

Last week I blogged about empathy and taking the time to consider what the rest of the world is going through as we walk through this journey.

Today I came across an article by Andree Seu who writes for World Magazine. She talked about stepping out of her own comfort zone to minister to those she comes into contact with...even total strangers.

Reading her thoughts, which you can find here, I had to wonder how many people I pass by on any given day without another thought. People that are obviously hurting or in need. Or maybe people that have needs not so obvious. They may be people I know or they may be total strangers.

We are all needy in some respect. A smile, a kind word, or maybe a few minutes of our time can be such an encouragement to someone else and we just might be surprised what it does for us as well.

I have been struck lately by the suffering that is all around us. We won't have to look far to find someone that is hurting or lonely. Let's take a few minutes to step out of our own comfort zone and reach out to them. Every time we do, it will make it that much easier the next time.

You don't have to have all of the answers. Usually a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on go much further anyway. Then again, the best answer of all is the hope of Christ for the lost and the reassurance of that hope for the suffering believer.

So, will you offer an ear or a shoulder and get "un"comfortable with me?

Photo by Erin J. Pond (no kin)

17 Years Ago Today...

Wow, time really does fly. 17 years ago at 7:19am New Mexico time, I gave birth to my 3rd son, Tyler. I cannot believe he is 17 already. He is 12 hours old in this picture.

Tyler was born in Alamogordo, New Mexico. We moved there when I was 8 months pregnant for Keith to attend Fighter Lead-In Training before going on to Luke AFB, AZ, for F-16 Training. Tyler was born a week early and we moved again when he was 2 weeks old. Needless to say, it was a crazy time in our lives. This picture was taken at 18 months while we were living in Arizona.

Shortly after that picture was taken, we moved to Hill AFB, Utah. Tyler had his first asthma attack there when he was three years old. Little did we know then that it was only the first of many more to come. This picture was taken around that time.

We started home schooling while we lived in Utah. We were part of a great home school community which gave us the opportunity to go on some really fun field trips and even to have professional "school" pictures taken every year. This is Tyler's 4 year old picture. The photographer that took pictures for our home school group was always great about including the younger kids too.

In 1996, we moved to Portales, New Mexico. Tyler continued to battle his asthma as it seemed to grow worse and worse. We struggled with the doctors there because it seemed like all they wanted to do was treat the attacks rather than trying to find something to prevent them in the first place. It was always frustrating and scary to watch Tyler struggling to breathe. This is Toothless Tyler when he was 7 years old.

Just before Tyler's 8th birthday we moved to Wichita Falls. The first year we lived here, he was on steroids 10 times in 12 months. It was agony for him and for us. A friend from church recommended asking our pediatrician about trying an inhaler that she had been given to treat her own lung issues. We were desperate as we had tried everything else we could think of. At that time, this drug was not generally given to children Tyler's age but his asthma was bad enough that the doctor agreed to try it.

Within 2 weeks, we saw a huge improvement. Over the next 2 years, Tyler only needed steroids once. The difference was amazing. We have praised God many times for leading us to that medication. This is Tyler in the 5th grade taken just a couple of months before he started the new medicine.

There were many nights that I sat up with Tyler, giving him breathing treatment after breathing treatment praying for God to heal him. I was so afraid that there would come a time when the steroids wouldn't work and Tyler would stop breathing. In those times, I learned to trust God. I didn't know what the future held, but I knew that God loved Tyler even more than I did and He had a plan for his future, even if it wasn't the same as mine. Here's Tyler at 13, finally a teenager.


Do I share all of this because Tyler's life has been defined by his asthma? Hardly! In fact, even though he still takes that "miracle" medicine to stave off the attacks, asthma almost seems like a distant memory in our house.

I share this because today, as Tyler stands on the threshold of adulthood, I'm one proud mom and I'm so thankful to God for all that He has brought us through. I believe that I learned more through Tyler's asthma than he did but sometimes that's how God works. He works through the hard times, the "why" questions, and the fear and trembling to teach us to lean on Him and to trust completely in Him because we can do nothing else.

I shared once with a friend that I was afraid to turn my kids over to God (as if we really have a choice anyway) because I was afraid that He would take them. She said maybe it's like Abraham with Isaac. God just wants you to be willing to obey and He will give them back to you. That spoke volumes to me. They are really His anyway, only on loan to us. How blessed we are to have them for the time that we do...and it goes much too quickly.

Tyler is an awesome kid. He is a super hard worker...just ask any of his coworkers at United. He is a great help at home. And he wants to help others. On top of all that, he loves the Lord.

So ... Thank you God for bringing Tyler this far. Thank you for the gift of his life and for the awesome young man that he is. Thank you for everything that you have brought him through and for his future that you hold in your hand. May you use him for your glory. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Happy 17th Birthday, Tyler!!! May God grant you many, many more. I love you! ~Mom

Happy Father's Day!

This day has taken on a new significance for me since Keith's dad died 5 1/2 years ago. Those things always help you see a little clearer. Isn't it sad that it takes something like the death of loved one to make you appreciate everyone else more.

I want my Dad to know how much I love him and how thankful I am for the fact that he has always been there for me. I knew when I was younger that he would do anything for me and I've never doubted that since. Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you! Your gift is in the mail. :)

On a similar note, I'm so thankful for my husband and for the father that he is to our children. After being parents for 21 years now, we understand just how difficult it can be to be good parents and to raise our children in the training and admonition of the Lord. I think Keith has done a great job but he would argue with me. I think it's really commendable for a man to raise 6 children and still have his sanity. What do you think? ;)

All goofiness aside, I only know of one perfect Father and that is God. I praise Him today for adopting us into His family and loving us as His own.

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. ~ Galatians 4:4-7

Happy Father's Day to all the dads that might come across this blog. May God give you the wisdom and strength to raise your children to follow Him.

Empathy

As some of you know the death of Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter Maria really got to me. I know that part of it is probably because they had so much to do with our own decision to adopt, part of it is having little ones from China, part of it is being a mom and trying to put myself in their shoes, and part of it is that every time I see pictures of Maria they make me think of Kara.

Over the last 14 years we have experienced the death of some people very close to us ... 3 very dear friends, my Granny, Keith's dad, and then his Grandpa. The morning after I would always wake up feeling like it was wrong for the sun to shine that day. It felt weird to be out and about and see that life, at least for other people, had not changed. Somehow it seemed like the world should stop and everyone should acknowledge the pain that we were feeling.

If you've never experienced that feeling, I pray that you never have to. But reality suggests that at some point you will know exactly what I mean. I can't imagine how people grieve without the hope of Christ.

I went to Steven Curtis Chapman's website the other day to read about Maria's memorial service and I came across a blog entry written by Kerry Hasenbalg. Kerry's husband, Scott, is the Executive Director of Shaohannah's Hope, the organization started by the Chapmans to help others with the financial hardships of the adoption process. The Hasenbalgs and the Chapmans are very close friends.

Kerry gave birth to a stillborn baby girl in January of this year so she is intimately acquainted with the grieving process and has spent a lot of time with the Chapmans in these early days of their own grief.

I hope you will take a minute or two to read what she wrote about being softened by suffering. You can find her blog entry here. It touched my heart and has really made me look at people differently when I am out and about these days. There is so much suffering in our world and we never know what's going on behind the masks that others wear to cover their own hurt and sorrow.

I share this with you in the hope that we will all show each other a little more compassion. When your smile is not returned by someone you encounter, instead of being offended, pray for them. It's easy to get our feathers ruffled but if we really knew what was going on in the lives of others I think we would be a much kinder people. At least, I hope so.

Please continue to pray for the Chapman family. The services are over and most people have gone back to their normal lives. The Chapmans' lives have been forever changed and their grief will be fresh for some time to come.

Milestones

About a month ago Emma was in the bathroom brushing her teeth before bed. She made a strange face and said "Mom, it hurts back here" pointing behind her front bottom teeth.

"Let me see" I said as I peeked inside her mouth. "Well, no wonder it hurts, you have another tooth coming in right behind the baby tooth". Her first permanent tooth. The tooth was already through the skin and quite visible.

According to the dentist, this is a frequent occurrence and no cause for concern. In fact, he said that some kids end up with two rows of teeth before the baby ones start falling out. He said that once the baby tooth was out, her tongue would push the permanent tooth right into place.

At any rate, the baby tooth didn't really want to budge. The permanent tooth was wedged in so closely that I was skeptical as to whether or not it would ever wiggle.

Well, wiggle it did. Saturday night, a week ago, we were at the local Hastings bookstore listening to Drew's (our son) band play in the coffee shop. Some friends of ours were there and the girls were bouncing around and being goofy all over the place.

I left to take Kara to the bathroom and as I was coming out I ran into Keith and Emma. Emma had blood running down her lip. I figured she bumped into one of the other kids or something and bit her lip but it wasn't the lip at all. It was that little tooth. The thing was very loose and just wiggling like crazy. I'm still not sure what happened to cause it to get so loose so quickly.

I took her in the bathroom to clean it up and get a better look. When I saw how loose it was I said "That tooth probably needs to come out before bed tonight" thinking she might swallow it otherwise (this has happened in our house on several occasions). She reached inside her mouth, grabbed the tooth, yanked it right out and said "Here!" as she thrust it at me.

I was a bit dumbfounded. No trauma of the first lost tooth, no tears, seemingly no pain, not even a flinch. The permanent tooth was so far in already you almost couldn't even tell that she had lost a tooth. In fact, by the time I actually got around to taking her picture, the new tooth had already moved forward almost to where it should be.

So, there you have it. She has lost her first tooth. The dentist said that looking at her recent x-rays she should be losing the top two front teeth before long. It looks like she'll be singing "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" this year.

Milestones like this are a constant reminder of how quickly they grow up. I still remember when our oldest started to lose his baby teeth and that was 15 years ago. Yikes! Who knew we'd still be in the tooth losing phase this many years later. :) We are indeed richly blessed!

Little Chef

21+ years ago, I spent 3 weeks in the hospital before my 1st son was born. It was a small hospital on a small Air Force base in Arizona. A lot of the time I was the only patient in the OB ward. Needless to say I got to know the nurses fairly well.

As you can imagine the hospital food was pretty bland. One night, one of the nurses brought dinner in for herself and the other staff. She was kind enough to sneak me some. Homemade Cashew Chicken...it was wonderful! A little spicy and tons of flavor. The next night, at my request, she brought me the recipe.

I have been making this recipe for 21 years now. I don't make it often because it requires a lot of prep time chopping chicken and vegetables but I've been in a bit of a cooking rut lately so out came the butcher knife.

For the last year or so, I have had a little sidekick in the kitchen. My youngest, Kara, is pretty much attached to me at the hip. She especially loves the kitchen and is always asking me if I will teach her how to make whatever I happen to making at the time when she gets older. I would love just about nothing more than to do just that.

Anyway, she has a little stool that she always pulls up next to me to watch or try to involve herself in whatever I'm doing. Today as I peeled the carrots over the trash can, she began to pick the peelings out of the trash. She asked for a plate and began to prepare her own dinner. Her dinner consisted of carrot peelings, green onion stalks, and the discarded ends of the celery.

She was so very proud of herself when her dinner was complete. I told her that it was too bad that we didn't have rabbits because they would love a dinner like that. She then decided that we should take the plate outside and leave it hoping that some little bunnies would happen along. We convinced her that her stuffed animals would enjoy it more.

Her future husband will be very blessed! I hope he likes rabbit food. :)

Health

Some people keep a "blessings" list. At the end of every day they write down one thing that happened that day that they see as a blessing in their life. I've decided that this blog will serve as my "blessings" list.

I don't expect that everything I share on here will be happy but I know that no matter what happens God is still in control and therefore we are blessed.

Two weeks ago today my 18 year old son, Drew, came home from work with a bad stomachache. Throughout the afternoon it only got worse. By that evening, he was on the couch in pretty severe pain.

Almost eighteen years earlier Drew had undergone 2 major abdominal surgeries before he was even 12 months old. The doctors told us then that we would always have to watch for issues that might arise from the formation of scar tissue, or adhesions, which is very common with abdominal surgery. These adhesions can cause intestinal obstructions at any point in your life with little or no advance warning. Yea!

So, off to the ER Drew went. He got there about 10 pm that night and after several tests and a lot of waiting he was admitted to the hospital with the diagnosis of an intestinal obstruction. It wasn't my worst fear but not good news by any stretch.

The surgeon came in very early the next morning and explained to us that sometimes these things will work themselves out if the body is just given a chance to rest and any inflammation that is in there is reduced making the adhesions less of a factor. That would be the best case scenario.

If that didn't work within a couple of days, Drew was facing another surgery. The problem with that is that the body heals itself by forming scar tissue. Can you say "snowball effect"? Yuck! Not a good plan but maybe his only option.

I don't have many pictures of Drew from his time in the hospital as an infant. It was a difficult and scary time for me and I really didn't want to remember what he looked like then. I did take a picture of him before his first surgery so that he would know that he wasn't actually born with the scar that now makes him look like he was cut in half at some point.

You can tell in the picture how bloated his little tummy was. He spent most of the month that he was in the hospital with an NG tube running from his nose down to his tummy and with various IV tubes through which he was fed and medicated. He also spent a lot of that time on morphine so it really would not have made for pleasant pictures.

With hindsight being what it is, I do wish I had one or two pictures from that month because they really would be a testimony to God's healing hand. This picture was taken the day before he was released to go home. He was sitting on a couch in the playroom at the hospital watching Daddy and Jeremy (his big brother) play Nintendo. He looks small and pale to me but it was a huge improvement over the previous few weeks.

I've learned over the years, thanks to my husband, to take pictures of everything. (There is another long story that goes along with that. :) ) Even things that are unpleasant at the time can serve as reminders to us of all the things that God has brought us through. So this time I took a few pictures.

Keith said that when he walked into the hospital the morning after Drew was admitted and saw him laying there with yet another NG tube, it nearly brought him to his knees. Drew is much bigger than he was 18 years ago but it is amazing how quickly those years fall away when you are looking at your child laying in a hospital bed.

I write all of this today because as Drew left for work this morning I was overwhelmed with thankfulness to God for seeing him through another illness and without any more surgery. While I pray that Drew will not have to go through this again, the possibility remains. I do know that our God is the Great Physician and I am so grateful for the peace that that knowledge brings during these times.

The weekend that Drew was hospitalized, 3 other children from our church also spent time at the hospital for various maladies. I'm happy to report that all of them, plus one more hospitalized since then, are at home and well on their way to full recoveries. As parents, it's always hard to watch your children suffer in whatever form that may take. But God loves them even more than we do and because of that...we are all blessed!

Critters

Both of my girls love critters of all kinds. They would love to have a dog but I keep telling them that we have too many children to have animals. ;) So far, that has worked.

A new home is being built on the lot next to us. One of the bricklayers that has been working on the house this last week has the cutest little puppy that he brings to work with him everyday.
We were out front one evening enjoying the nice weather when the puppy decided to come and play. The girls had a great time and so did the puppy. It's the first time I've seen Kara actually play with a dog without being afraid. Then again, it's the first time she has been around one that wasn't bigger than she is.


Keith has taught the girls that bugs are okay, too. It is obvious that they trust him completely. :) The other day there was a commotion on the back patio while they were out there playing. I went to check it out only to find them fighting over who got to hold the mostly dead cricket that they had found.

Kara was the current pallbearer. The cricket was lying in her tiny little palm and she was gently caressing it with the index finger of her other hand.

Yuck!!!!!!! I do not like bugs and this sight just grossed me out. Not to mention that the exterminator had been here earlier that day which is why the cricket was dying in the first place. After a short lecture on bugs and poison and a thorough washing of the hands, I'm happy to report that I have no pictures to share with you of this example of the girls' love for critters.

The front patio that we had built last fall has become a favorite hangout for Keith and I in the evenings after dinner. The girls love it when we go out there because they get to come too.

Emma asked one night at dinner "Are you guys going to have a vacationship tonight?" We are not sure where the word came from but that is her term for our time on the front patio. We are more than happy to oblige and now we "vacationship" often.

During a recent "vacationship", Emma got sent inside early. Those who know her well won't even have to wonder why. :) Kara was sitting on Keith's lap when a bird on the roof caught her eye. She is fascinated with all critters but birds seem to hold a special attraction for her. I happened to catch this shot of the two of them as she got Daddy involved in her birdwatching activities.

I thought this picture was great of the two of them. It thrills my heart to see their relationship growing. Kara is still painfully shy with most men but she has finally decided that Daddy is a good guy. I put her to bed one night last week when Keith wasn't home and just before I turned out the light she said "Tell Daddy I love him". Need I say more?

We are so blessed!

Faith

I was out running some errands with the girls this afternoon when I caught a short blurb on the radio. I didn't get the woman's name but she was speaking for a ministry called "The Proverbs 31 Woman".

She mentioned that several years ago God had made it abundantly clear to her and her husband that they were to adopt two little boys from Africa. She said that people have asked her if she ever regretted their decision to do just that.

Her answer is always "no". She said that even though some days are really difficult and it is often stressful and tiring to raise 5 active children it has taught her to live by faith. She asked this question "How can I be a woman of faith if I am living a life that requires no faith?"

I feel like I'm walking in this woman's shoes. I could replace her in this story if you added one more child. It has been 7 years now since we submitted to God's working in our hearts to add to our family through adoption.

I have never once regretted the decision to follow His leading. I will admit, though, to sometimes wanting to ask God "why" some things have happened the way that they have.

Maybe today I got my answer. Maybe, if I could really ask God "why?" He would tell me that it was to teach me to live by faith...to trust Him...to stop relying on myself and let Him be in the driver's seat. Sometimes life is hard...sometimes it's really hard...but He is always faithful.

Thank you Lord for teaching me to live by faith and thank you for each and every one of my precious children.

I am a blessed mother indeed!